Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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