We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
