two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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