walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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