PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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