yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
