8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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