im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
