Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
