After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
