I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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