Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
