I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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