Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
