I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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