I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
