So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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