Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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