I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
