I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
