Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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