1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dignity is for republicans.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
