Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
