This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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