We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
