By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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