I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
