If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
