i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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