the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
