UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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