Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
