If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
