Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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