Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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