Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
