So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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