remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
