omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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