Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
