My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
