how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
