it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
