ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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