I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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