Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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