I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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