i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
