im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
