:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
