remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
