I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
