Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
