I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
