I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
