my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
