Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
