his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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