i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
