I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
