what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
