He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
