we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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