Where is the hickey?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My bed smells like the plague
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
