i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
