I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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