let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The Olympian is in my bed
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
