theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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