Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
